Self Reflection

{ July 8, 2009 @ 2:57 am } · { Uncategorized }

I have a long writing history. I have to start the long story from long time ago.

I was a fifth grader and not a very smart kid at school. I read Bing Xin and other writers from textbooks and was enlightened by the dim, flickering light of the orange peel lump described in Bing Xin’s story. I decided to start a diary to keep a trace of my growing up and to show people to come how a wonderful kid I was.

As a kid, I had my own secret garden. I folded paper boxes and hid my treasures in them and then carefully put them into my unlocked drawer. I thought they were safe and nobody knew where they were. This diary was also kept here and since I was also clever enough to worry that one day it would be discovered by someone, I wrote my diary not for myself, but for my supposed readers.

The first diary as far as I can remember was neatly printed on the first light brown paned page of my light brown hard cover diary book. It was a story of helping a neighbor granny to dump trash. No detailed description, no explanation of reason, and that was how I wrote the story. It seems to me today, that to help the old was the only right thing to do and to write about. There were descriptions of my personal feelings. The last two sentences were, “I was so happy. What a meaningful day it was!”

This diary is the very first thing I can remember to teach me how to cover my true feelings. I t was the very first false piece which led to writing for moral’s sake and writing for politics’ sake. I was never taught to write for myself and about my true self. I dared not to write anything to reveal my true feelings. I was afraid that to reveal the ugly side of me was shameful.  It was not until I was about to lose the one I loved, that I began to write down about my sorrow, my memories and my missing him. That was the first time that I realized how languages could naturally flow out and how powerful the truth was.

I stopped free writing barely after this new discovery. And then went back to writing annual report, research paper and assignments. Then in order to improve my academic writing ability and learn how to teach writing, I came to SI.  I found my whole idea of writing was overturned. Writing is supposed to tell truth.  If all writings are like my first “Lei Feng Diary” and tell only false feelings, they will be nothing but literacy waste. If we do things for writings’ sake, life will become a rehearsal stage. If the way we keep our personal history is through merely recording our good deeds, we will stereotype ourselves. Therefore we should write to tell truth.  We do not only tell who we are by telling people our names. We also tell them what we did as kids, what we weaknesses are, what we like and what we detest. We are unique characters who have something that other people don’t.  We have a different combination of our parts from anybody else.

This summer is truly meaningful to me. Every time, when I listen to my fellows read their sacred writings, I was full of admiration. But I was always intimidated to show mine. I don’t know how to write.  I can tell the difference between their writings and mine. At the beginning I thought it was about grammar and vocabulary. Then I thought it might be culture. Now I realized something more important. I should write with an honest attitude. I should write to tell true stories and about true feelings.  Although I am not good at fancy vocabulary and flashing metaphor, I can write with simplicity and honesty.

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